Board of Trustees votes to remove students, faculty, and staff from W&L

In a 22-6 vote, the Washington and Lee Board of Trustees voted to oust all students, faculty, and non-administrative staff from W&L. The move was revealed Friday morning during the Board’s regular meeting.

“As part of our continual streamlining and listening ‘Master Plan 2030’ process, we determined that the impacted communities consumed almost 100% of the university’s funding, despite the fact that several never donate to the endowment,” the announcement said.

The announcement also noted that the move would allow for better engagement with the alumni community and the huge pile of hundred dollar bills underneath Huntley, which, let’s face it, were the only things that ever mattered at this school.

“I mean, the vote was a foregone conclusion,” said one dissenting voter whose name rhymes with Smudly. “There aren’t any students or faculty on the Board, and this consolidation was one idea many members had considered for years.”

Already, local Lexington businesses such as Cookout, the ABC store and Rockbridge County’s lone coke dealer have been forced to close up shop. Many faculty have been rejoicing at the opportunity to go literally anywhere else. However, several students expressed dismay at the news.

“W&L was the only good school that would take me,” said Harley Davis, ‘26. “Now I have to go to…oh God it makes me shudder to even think of it…Brown.” 

The Board of Trustees further confirmed that with the savings from this move, they plan to hire dozens more Administrative-Assistant-Assistant-Vice-Deans of the Board of Trustees, who will help with the further efficiency of the W&L operation.