Facing a lack of students willing to stand up for their beliefs, the student-run, alumni-bankrolled publication The Spectator announced it will open letters of opinion to alumni so that parents of Spectator staff can prove dumb liberals wrong.
Chris Pratt (no relation), editor in chief of The Spectator, announced the changes at a meeting of W&L’s Polo Club, because of course he did.
“My mommy is gonna stick it to you libs once and for all. She’s so smart. All y’all don’t stand a chance,” stated Pratt when asked for his motivations.
Pratt went on to note that “liberal snowflakes” would be destroyed by the move, which he expected to cause total agreement and apologies from all the people who have teased him for three years.
The new announcement follows the decision to print out editions of The Spectator in the interest of expanding its readership to animal shelters and recycling centers around the Rockbridge County area.
College Democrats denounced the expansion of The Spectator, and announced plans to make a new leftist publication called the Specter of Europe which would be abandoned within three years.