Unskilled, unpaid, and evidently unflapped by the side-room cubicle he got all to himself (!), a bowtie-clad Carter Brown, ’19, rolled into BigDeal Consulting Firm, Ltd. three minutes early on Monday for his first day of work. Time to make a fucking splash.

As if being in D.C., as the locals call it, wasn’t newsworthy enough in its own right, Brown was asked to sit in on a routine board meeting around 1 p.m. and take notes. Upon befriending the office’s most disliked employee, Brown rolled up his sleeves and got working on the two hours of work that were meant to fill his eight-hour workday.

“Yeah, the intern coordinator assured me this would be much more than a coffee-fetching position,” Brown said, smugly, while sitting in front of his idle computer screen. “Networking is key so I’m definitely doing more than what’s in the job description.”

Although the 20-year-old Brown cannot partake in any of the area’s Happy Hours, mimosa brunches, weekend bar crawls, or nighttime activities in general, he still plans to “soak up” the monuments and Smithsonian museums during the day like a true patriot.

Could this parlay into a future job? Probably not, but it’s the experience that matters.

-Ford Carson ‘18