Upon returning to campus after Thanksgiving break, area freshman Sara Holmes made a point to verbally re-commit to her long-distance boyfriend, John, in front of all her closest friends.

“Tomorrow marks seven months, I just know he’s the one,” she announced to audible gasps of delight. Holmes has reportedly deemed it a “fluke” that her texts are mainly responded to with read receipts, that John’s Facebook is mysteriously inactive, and that the couple’s most upbeat conversations take place the morning after the weekly sorority mixers at John’s college, Northeastern Big State Tech University Tech.

“I mean, yeah, NBSTUT is thousands of miles away and, yeah, we’ll only see each other a couple of times a year,” Holmes said, “but what’s four years in terms of spending a lifetime together?”

Friends of Sara’s reportedly applauded her loyal, against-the-odds decision, noting that the two must have a unique connection to reach for the Skype webcam before an anonymous stranger at Das Club.

John did not comment to the Radish when asked about his future plans to visit W&L’s campus, but, even though he was still struggling to select his major, he hinted that marriage was almost a certainty.

The remainder of the 1:30 a.m. Graham-Lees chat was spent discussing the pair’s life plans, including Sara’s feeling of sadness for other similar couples who had either broken up or couldn’t seem to hit their stride, as she and John so clearly had.

-Anna Paden Carson ‘16