Public Safety <PublicSafety@wlu.edu>
Mon 2/14/2022 11:32 AM
From: PublicSafety@wlu.edu [Public Safety]
Subject: IMPORTANT MESSAGE – Public Safety Notice
** This message was distributed by the Broadcast Mailer at W&L **
PUBLIC SAFETY NOTICE
Attention students of W&L! As a part of Washington and Lee’s newest sustainability effort, the department of public safety has decided to make some changes to the University’s current Traveller system. The current buses are problematic, politically incorrect, and unsafe for numerous reasons. In a program being called, “Pushin P(edals),” we have partnered with the outing club and that random bike shop in town and have finally acquired enough tandem bikes to reasonably supply the student body with safe rides to and from their favorite parties. The process will look very similar to the current one, just instead of hopping on a bus each student will hop on the back of a tandem bike (with a monitor on the front) and just ride that thing home. Wind in your hair, alcohol in your veins, and the pedals under your feet. Just imagine the rush you will get from seeing 100 tandem bikes racing down the Lexington interstate and pulling up to quad. We can even picture, on some big party nights, when the bikes are trying to run as fast as they can, incentivizing races back to campus. Whoever can make it back first can have their name put into a raffle to win five dollars!! (Exciting right???) And for our really drunk students, the ones who could not plausibly stay on a tandem bike, we have a solution we are really excited about. Think Harry Potter in Hagrid’s bike…. enough shots and This. Could. Be. You. But we must warn the student body that anyone who requires the side car accommodation will have to be dropped off at the health center immediately. This new system provides so many benefits to the student body at Washington and Lee. Besides the obvious, such as sustainability and covid safety, we foresee this new program leading to students being:
- Less likely to hook up with one another
- More likely to throw up on their way home
- More susceptible to a longer waiting time
- Colder
To make this exciting new program work we need YOUR help. Obviously, we are going to need about half of the student body to become Trav monitors. We will follow up this email with the application. If not enough students apply, we are going to settle this Hunger Games reaping style…. so please encourage your friends! We plan to add on to this new system in a few ways as we work out the kinks of the operation. Some ideas we have include introducing horsies (or ponies for our petite princesses), open air trolleys for formals with flat screens that play 50 Shades of Grey on a constant loop, and tricked out bikes with frat’s letters on the side for the pledges to use. We are also working on getting a ski lift from windfall to Gaines, but that plan is currently halted due to board members being concerned about the sound of drunk girls singing carrying to VMI so clearly that they declare war with our student body. We will keep the student body posted as we learn more. As of now, we plan to have the bikes running by Bahamas with a complimentary shot for every first-time rider. Get your pedaling shoes ready Washington and Lee… leg day is now every Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday.
Sweet Tandem Dreams,
Pub Safe
The Radish 