Mock Con Couldn’t Stop the Bern (No Matter How Hard They Tried)

We all know what went down in the 2016 Democratic Primary. Senator Bernie Sanders was screwed out of his nomination by the superdelegates of the Democratic Party and probably Jeffery Epstein. Well this past weekend, Washington & Lee held our very own Democratic Convention, affectionately referred to as “Mock Con.” And just weeks after the Iowa Caucus debacle, it seemed as if Mock Con might have followed suit and handed the nomination to another, let’s say, undeserving candidate.

After the first tally of delegates from the 57 delegations there was no majority victor. Bernie was ahead of Bloomberg by about 500 delegates, and after a rule’s check on what events would ensue to declare a winner, a ten-minute deadline was announced to hear the results. Naturally, whispering began throughout the convention hall, and doubts circulated as to whether or not the superdelegates would attempt to sway the results towards a more W.I.S. favored candidate *cough* *cough* Bloomberg. Talk of Bloomberg already being behind stage, waiting to claim victory could be heard from the New York delegation.

Ten minutes passed, nothing. Fifteen, nothing. At this point it was almost assured that the aid of the Math Help Center was enlisted to figure a way around nominating “crazy Bernie.” But to no avail. All the algorithms attempted in that twenty-minute span were all for naught. “The Mock Convention of the Democratic Party has nominated as the 46th President of the United States of America… Bernie Sanders!” rang throughout the hall. So, as it turns out, just like in California and Australia, you can’t stop the Bern.


— Kevin Tripp ’21